we're chasing vodka with high fives
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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