I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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