oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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