Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
