No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
