My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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