Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm just crazy horny about you
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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