and you said cock pushups were impossible
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize