i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
