What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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