took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
