she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
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As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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