She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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