NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
