i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
