Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
