Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
