Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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