College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We left an ass print on the piano.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
please don't ironically join a cult
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