i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
