That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.