Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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