found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
not ubering you a puppy
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
