i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
