last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
