btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
