sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
