super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
