Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
