OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
