Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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