So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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