I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My ass is underappreciated
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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