do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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