Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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