why didn't you poke me back
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
