I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
