Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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