I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
