please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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