I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
MIDGETS
????
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
