While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
