I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
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Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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