I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
