She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
