I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
