I wannas sexs uuuuu
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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