I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
