I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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