You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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