There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
