I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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