I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
