WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
