Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize