ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
