I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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