Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
