she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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