fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
