i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
