the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
