People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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