theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Green mimosas i think yes
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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