very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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