I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?