i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we're making bets on your personal life
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches