dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.