I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
