Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
