I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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