i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
