Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
