I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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