ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
