does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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