I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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