No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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