I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
