his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
